


Speak Now

by buffalo1221



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-05
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 04:40:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3882655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buffalo1221/pseuds/buffalo1221
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wedding bells are ringing but will both brides make it down the aisle?</p><p>This will be shorter...probably no more than 5 chapters!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Nerves

**Author's Note:**

> So I'm working on a longer story (that was a prompt) at the moment and want to get more chapters in before I start posting since things with work might get a bit crazy. Damn budget season! lol. Anyways this idea hit me and I couldn't help myself. It'll be a few chapters so let me know what you think :)
> 
> Warning: there might be some heartbreak, but I promise you'll survive!

_A wedding should feel more magical_ , Ali thinks to herself before a voice pulls her from those thoughts.

“You ready for this boo?”

Ali takes a deep, settling breath and looks at her brother in the mirror as she continues to anxiously fiddle with her fingers. She doesn’t catch his eyes since he is so intent on perfecting her hair, but if she did he would have easily seen the apprehension and panic that was hidden there. So far, she has done well enough to hide it, but as time goes by she can feel her heart begin beating even faster. The loudly ticking clock isn’t helping the matter, each passing second it clicks feels like a countdown until a bomb explodes. She is nervous, visibly so, and she feels her palms growing sweaty. It all honesty, she thinks it must be one hundred degrees in the room, but the thermostat on the wall mocks her, displaying a cool sixty-five in bright red digital numbers.

“Alex?” Kyle asks again when she fails to answer his question.

“Oh uh…yeah! I can’t believe it’s finally here,” she says, trying to muster up all the excitement she can manage. Really she’s terrified that it’s here, but knows she can’t say that. She tries to think about something else, but her mind keeps wandering to Ashlyn getting ready in the other room. She thinks about how great she’ll look in the outfit she picked out for the men to wear, the light khaki colored slacks and white button up with rolled sleeves that Kyle is currently sporting and looking quite handsome in. She then remembers the last time she saw the keeper the night before at the rehearsal dinner with her wide, earnest smile and can’t help but think about how excited Ashlyn is for this day, a day she’s been waiting for for years. He smile falters a bit at this, about how she is second-guessing everything that Ashlyn is so excited for and the guilt from her doubts and selfish thoughts is becoming too much to handle.

“Yeah I know. So exciting!” Kyle shrieks in a high pitched voice which quickly yanks Ali from her thoughts while gathering the attention of the other women in the room. “I can’t believe it,” he says pensively, but with a wide smile of his own. He never thought he’d see the day the blonde would settle down, but -as always with Ashlyn- is pleasantly surprised.

A small laugh behind them lets them know someone else is about to get in on the conversation. “I can’t believe you two even got to this point!” says Whitney as she turns to let HAO zip up her dress. “I remember the first day you two met.”

“That was a disaster!” exclaims HAO, who’s already donning hers. The fabric is silk and it’s in a light blue color, the perfect blend between Penn State and UNC colors. Ali notes how perfectly the sweetheart neckline, strapless dress clings to their curves and ends a few inches above the knees. _Those are definitely soccer player legs_ , she thinks to herself as she looks at how their calves bulge in their mid-height black heels.

“Don’t remind me,” Ali groans and places her palm over her face to try and block out the memory. She knows the story all too well and knows it isn’t one of her finer moments.

“Ooo this sounds like a good one!” Syd says as she excitedly claps her hands and demands to be told the story.

 

_“Well if it isn’t Little Miss Penn State Captain.”_

_Ali turns and is met with a pair of soft hazel eyes. For a moment she is captivated by the way they sparkle, but then sees who they belong to. She groans and takes a long sip of her beer. She’s going to need alcohol to get through this conversation. “Can I help you with something?” she asks, making no effort to hide her annoyance. She figures the blonde is there to gloat and wants nothing to do with her. She’s honestly surprised it took this long for someone to rub it in her face since the UNC Captain invited the entire Penn State team to a giant house party after the game._

_Ashlyn smirks and shakes her head. “No I don’t need anything from you. I just came up here to get a drink,” she states simply and looks at the brunette expectantly._

_“So get it and go,” Ali replies shortly. She really has no patience at the moment and her buzz is curbing her normally polite and bubbly personality._

_“Well you’re kind of sitting on the cooler, Princess,” she says with a smirk before giving the cooler under Ali a light kick._

_Ali is a bit embarrassed, but does well to hide it. She doesn’t want to give this blonde anything, not even an inch. She quickly stands up and points to the cooler with her free hand to signal that it’s all hers, “Anything else?” she quips with an eye roll._

_Ash grabs her beer and cracks it open. She looks like she wants to say something else, but starts to walk away instead._

_Ali thinks to let her go, but can’t help herself. She knows she’ll never see the blonde again and needs to get something off her chest. “That was a shit tackle tonight.”_

_Ashlyn quickly whips back around. “Excuse me?” she asks incredulously, her eyes flaring with a bit of anger at the brunette’s challenging words._

_“You heard me,” Ali says with a straight face that’s bordering on anger. “That. Was. A. Shit. Tackle.”_

_“Well the ref thought it was just fine,” Ash says with a smirk remembering the play exactly. To be honest she was surprised it didn’t get called a PK either, but she is pissed at the Penn State defender for a play on the other end and isn’t going to step down._

_“That ref couldn’t even see that the grass was green,” Ali argues._

_“Well he sure saw that cheap tackle you had in the first half. You got a nice little yellow card souvenir to prove it,” she replies with a chuckle she knows will infuriate the defender._

_Ali takes a few steps towards Ashlyn, closing the distance and staring straight into her eyes. “Fuck off,” she states hotly, anger now boiling over, her fist that’s not around her cup, clenched tightly._

_“Hey don’t blame me because your shit team lost 1-0. I mean we did score off the free kick we got because of your dirty tackle. Maybe you should look in the mirror if you want someone to blame sweetheart,” Ashlyn says cheekily as she takes a step towards Ali as well. She’s not going to back down and this brunette definitely needs to be knocked off her pedestal. She knows her words would cut the defender deep, especially since this was the quarter-finals and her college career was over, but something about just irked Ashlyn and she honestly didn’t care. Her team was going to the semi-finals and that’s really all that mattered to her at the moment._

_Ali isn’t sure if it’s the anger or the alcohol, but what she does next surprises even her. She reaches up and tips her cup, pouring her entire beer over Ashlyn’s head, even shaking out the last few drops emphatically._

_“Are you fucking kidding me!” she sputters angrily, as she wipes her face with her already wet sleeve and stares incredulously back at the defender who is looking pointedly back at her with a smug look sprawled across her face._

_The rest of their teammates take notice and within seconds Whitney is on Ashlyn, pulling her backwards and muttering, “Cool it, Ash. Let it go,” into her ear._

_Ali’s teammates are by her side too, with strong grips on her arms in case she tries to go at the keeper, but loose enough to jump into action and have her back if the UNC girls come at her. It’s an intense stare down between the two captains for a minute, and Ali feels a rush of emotions and heat. The anger and hatred is apparent, but she also feels something else as she stares into her eyes and if she’s not mistaken she thinks she can see the same in the blonde’s eyes._

_Finally, Ash breaks the eye contact and shrugs Whit and HAO off. “Fuck it. She’s not worth my time,” she mumbles and pushes past her teammates to head back into the crowd._

 

When Whit finishes the story Syd and the rest of the girls are nearly doubled over in laughter.

“I’ve never heard that story!” says Megan as she looks over to where the other girls are grouped. “Surprised Ash never mentioned that one,” she said with a chuckle as she squeezes in next to Ali and checks herself out in the full length mirror.

Ali smiles and shakes her head. “Oh it was quite the first meeting,” she agrees with a laugh.

“And then you two met years later at National Team camp and realized each other wasn’t so bad and the rest is history,” Syd chimes in excitedly. “Funny how that all worked out.”

Ali gets hung up on the words _worked out_ and again the coolness she found as Whit retold the story of how they met is suddenly gone, replaced with a heat that feels like she’s stranded in the desert in the middle of summer with no water or shade. Her palms start to sweat again and her throat begins to constrict when Kyle tells her that her hair is all set and that it’s time to get into her dress so he can fix any stray hairs that might result from squeezing into it.

Suddenly, Ali is reeling. She feels like she’s going to vomit or pass out or simply just explode with the thought of what the next hour will bring. She feels bad for panicking, but the sweat is starting to become visible and she knows it won’t be long before someone notices. She quickly sits up and tries to take a deep breath while she fans herself with her open hand. When that doesn’t’ work, she knows she needs to get some fresh air. She shoots a look to Kyle, thankful that everyone is busy with their own finishing touches, and quietly states that she needs to step outside for some air.

“You’re supposed to stay in here until the ceremony starts,” he whispers back, but feels bad when he see how visibly nervous his sister is, not that he could deny her when she has that pleading look in her eyes either. He decides it’s worth the risk and gently grabs Ali’s hand to lead her out of the room stuffy room.

Kyle checks both ways to make sure no one is lingering around that shouldn’t be when he opens the door and then they quickly slip out the back door. As soon as they’re outside, Kyle can sense that something is wrong. His normally excited and bubbly sister is upset and there are tears threatening to spill over. He shakes his head, wishing he wasn’t right about this happening at some point or another. “Alex, what’s wrong?” he asks gently as he rubs her arms.

“Nothing,” she chokes out, struggling not to cry so her makeup doesn’t run. Kyle had already spent a lot of time making sure it was perfect, making sure _she_ looked perfect.

“You can talk to me,” he offers with a smile that tries to convey comfort. He knows what she’s thinking and he wants her to know that he supports her no matter what.

“I can’t, Kyle,” she responds through a cracked voice as she catches a stray tear at the corner of her eye with her pointer finger.

“Yes, you can. You can always talk to me, Ali.”

“No, Kyle. I can’t do this,” she said, throwing her hands out wide and implying a much bigger meaning. “I can’t go through with this wedding. I have to get out of here,” she states before roughly pushing past him, tears now fully streaming down her face unchecked.


	2. Don't You Dare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so this is basically written. Five, possibly six chapters if there's interest in more. Prepare for the angst. The struggle here is real!

Ali has only taken a few steps when there is a rough grip on her arm. She turns around and is face to face with Kyle again. 

“Alexandra Blaire Krieger. Stop right there. Don’t you dare take another step.” His tone is harsh and unwavering which mirrors his feelings on the matter.

“Let me go, Kyle,” she pleads, knowing that she needs to get out there before anyone sees her fleeing.

“I most certainly will not, Alex,” he hisses sharply. “Are you really going to do this to her?” 

Ali meets his eyes and can immediately see that he is genuinely disappointed in her. Her big brother always thought so highly of her, but in this moment it’s like he doesn’t even know who he’s looking at anymore. The Ali he knew would never be so cruel.

“I have to go. Please don’t make me do this,” she says hysterically. 

“Do you love her?” 

The question is simple and catches Ali off guard. It isn’t so much the question that gets her, more so that Kyle already knows the answer. “With my whole heart,” she says easily and without a second thought. _But that’s not the problem._

“Then don’t you think you owe her an explanation?” It’s phrased as a question but to Ali feels like more of a command. The truth is he’s deeply disappointed in her, but know his sister is strong willed and independent and there’s no way he can convince her to do something she doesn’t want to. He may not be able to keep her from leaving, but he’ll be damned if he lets her stand Ashlyn up like that.

She dips her head sadly, “I don’t think I can. I don’t think I can see her. It’s not that easy, Kyle! What would I even say? Where would I even begin? I’m freaking out and don’t know what to do. I thought I could handle this, but I’m just not ready yet.” Her voice is frantic and she tries to process it all, the familiar circling of thoughts reverberating through her mind. She dips her head and drops her eyes to the ground before adding sadly, “And the truth is, I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready.”

Kyle’s heart is breaking by the second, as is his little sister’s, while he watches Ali’s internal struggle. He knows that she needs to talk to Ashlyn, that only the blonde can right this at the moment, so he decides to try to put it in perspective. “Alex, before anything else, and romantic feelings aside what is Ashlyn?”

“My best friend,” she replies simply. 

“Don’t you think you owe it to your best friend to at least to talk to her?”

The way he says it makes Ali’s heart shatter as she thinks to how Ashlyn would take the news. The image flashing through her mind is exactly the reason she can’t see her. “She’ll hate me,” Ali whispers as she wipes some tears away roughly without a care to her smudging makeup.

“And you don’t think she’ll hate you more if she shows up out there and you don’t come down the aisle? That girl loves you, Ali. You know how embarrassed she’ll be?” Kyle’s tone has shifted to anger. He thought his sister truly loved Ashlyn, but if she can leave her without so much as a word, maybe he had been wrong. 

Kyle’s words are ringing through Ali’s mind. She knows Ashlyn loves her, but again that’s not the problem. “What would I even say?” she asks, almost inaudibly.

Her brother catches the words and takes a few steps towards her. “Just be honest, Alex. You need to be honest about what you’re feeling.”

Honest. Ali laughs at that, thinking how ironic the statement is. She doesn’t want to see Ashlyn, doesn’t have the heart to do this to her, but knows that Kyle won’t take no for an answer. “Alright,” she says in a defeated tone. “Okay. I’ll talk to her. Just…have the car ready to bolt if this doesn’t go well.”

“Anything for you lil sis,” he says with a reassuring smile. “Now go.”

Ali nods as she makes her way back into the house. She pauses when she walks by the large front window, and sees the setup outside. There is a white cloth that leads from the back porch out onto the beach, stopping underneath a beautifully decorated white arch. The blue and purple flowers that adorn it make Ali smile when she remembers looking through the flower magazines with Ashlyn last summer, something the blonde absolutely loathed. It looks like a typical beach wedding, free-spirited and quant, but Ash wouldn’t have it any other way. She sees that the simple white chairs that sit on either side of the aisle are already beginning to fill up with people and she recognizes several of them right away. 

Their national teammates that aren’t in the wedding party are congregated in one group on the left side and are all laughing and joking around. A smaller group of Ashlyn’s friends that she had grown quite close to through their frequent Florida visits are on the other side towards the middle of the aisle and are also all smiling and having a blast as they wait for the officiant to shoe them to their seats. It makes her feel another pang of guilt, knowing how this is going to affect everyone, not just Ashlyn. She isn’t quite sure that things will ever be the same again. Actually, she knows things will never be the same again and that thought terrifies her to no end.

She knows this doesn't end well. She knows how fast the story will spread and how many different versions of the truth will filter out through the small soccer community. Stories of how the magnificent Ali Krieger singly handedly tore down the wedding of the year or how she abandoned and embarrassed Ashlyn when she needed her most. They'll call her selfish and cold, two words that have never been used to describe her before and roast her over Twitter and other social media sites. Rumors will spread of how heartless she was. All of those horrible things aside, most of all, she's terrified of losing Ashlyn forever. She's terrified that she won't take it well, that she won't understand. She knows it selfish, but it's still her biggest fear. 

As her eyes continue to scope out the beach setting, by the other side of the aisle, she spots her mother and father chatting with Ashlyn’s parents and it briefly brings a smile to her face. _Only weddings can bring such different people together,_ she thinks to herself sadly. She wonders what they will think, what her parents will say when it's all said and done. Will she ever even speak to Ashlyn's parents again? _Probably not._

Then she catches her own reflection in the mirror and sees how awful she looks. There’s no way she can talk to Ash like this so she tries her best to wipe away the running mascara, squinting into the window to perfect it. A laugh rips through the silence in the living room and Ali jerks her head in its direction. She knows that laugh as it’s come to be one of her favorite sounds, but what normally makes her smile widely is now causing her stomach to knot and her throat to dry out. She takes a few deep breaths and shoots a glance at the ornate grandfather clock behind her. There isn’t much time and she knows it’s now or never. 

Somehow, she musters up the courage to do what she hasn’t been able to and takes a few more steps towards the room where Ashlyn is getting ready.

She’s standing in front of the white, wooden door when she hears the click of heels on the tile floor behind her. Her hand is clenched in a light fist and she is about to knock on the door when she feels herself being pulled back.

“Don’t you dare.” 

Ali turns around and finds that the voice belongs to a very pissed off Whitney Engen. “Whit, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” she says and tries to turn around, but Whit now has a firm grip on her arm. She’s not about to let the defender do this to her best friend.

“Ali, you can’t do this to her. I know you’re going through a lot of emotions and feelings, but you can’t do this to her. She doesn’t deserve this. She deserves her happy ending.” 

Whitney’s eyes are serious, more serious than Ali has ever seen them before and part of her is afraid. From their UNC days Ali has been very aware of how protective Whit is of her best friend, and today on the day of the wedding is no different. Her memory flashes back to the night her and Ash first met and sees the fire in her eyes that was present that night as well, ready to go to war for her best friend. Ali is suddenly aware that with Whitney standing guard, there is little chance she’ll get to Ashlyn. She’s stuck in between thoughts, knowing that both her brother and Whitney have valid points, but just come from opposite ends of the spectrum.

“Whit, please,” Ali begs, a pleading look in her eye as she ignores the fact that Whitney has a vice grip on her arm.

“You can’t,” she hisses angrily, her eyes warning her not to make a scene.

Ali thinks on it for a moment and is about to listen to Whit and walk away when the door is yanked open from behind.

“Yeah, I’ll go check that grandma and everyone is ready!” says her favorite voice, presumably over her shoulder to the occupants of the room she was just leaving.

Unfortunately, as the clumsy blonde turns back around to head outside, she runs smack into the defender. Her wide smile immediately drops as her eyes fall upon Ali’s tear stained face. She looks to Whit whose eyes are wide and her former UNC teammate can only manage a shrug at her friend’s shell-shocked face before she slips away to give them some privacy.

“Al...Alex?” she stammers, her heart fluttering at the sight of the brunette in her stunning dress before she remembers the sad, pained look on her face. “Alex, what’s wrong?”


	3. Can't Stand By Your Side

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks everyone for the comments, both positive and negative! This chapter will clear some things up and put it all into perspective so hang with me.

Ashlyn blinks a few times as she tries to process the scene in front of her. Whitney has quickly slithered away after shooting her a sympathetic look that now has Ashlyn extremely nervous. She racks her brain for an explanation and then looks around for any context clues that would let her know why her favorite brunette is standing in front of her in tears, minutes before the ceremony is supposed to start.

She glanced around the living room which opened up to the kitchen and can see no one else inside, just a lonely looking leather couch and loveseat combo. The TV hanging above the fireplace is showing the Barca vs. Man United game and Man U is getting thrashed by an overpowering Barcelona squad in the Champion’s League semi-finals so that doesn’t explain the tears either. She quickly wonders to herself how she got talked into having the wedding on the day of such a big game, but with crazy travel schedules it was really one of the only options.

Casting a glance over Ali’s shoulder, she can vaguely make out the area where people are beginning to gather. It appears that everyone is laughing and joking in eager anticipation of the big event. No tsunami wave has overtaken the beach and swept their loved ones away and the arch, chairs and aisle runner haven’t been struck by lightning and ignited into flames. She checks those off her list of possible reasons and then continues on with her search.

She turns her attention now to Ali. As she looks Ali over -obviously searching for a physical injury that could explain her tears and look of discomfort- she can’t help but think how beautiful she looks in her dress. She always looked beautiful, but today was something else entirely. Today she looked breathtaking. Ashlyn shook the thoughts from her mind, suddenly feeling guilty for her thoughts, especially when Ali was so upset.

She finally concludes her check and can think of no obvious reason for Ali’s current state. Well, she could think of one thing, one thing that would render Ali speechless and reduce her to tears on the big day and it immediately makes her heart sink into the pit of her stomach.

“Ali, what’s wrong? What happened?” she asks cautiously, terrified of the answer.

No answer comes, but Ali’s bottom lip begins trembling as a new wave of tears threaten.

Ashlyn’s heart is breaking as she leans in and pulls Ali into her arms. “Alex. Please talk to me. If you don’t talk to me, then I can’t fix it.”

As Ali numbly sinks into Ashlyn’s arms, her words hit her full force.

 

_“Ash, I need you,” Ali says through her broken sobs, already hating herself for pressing the call button on her phone._

_“What’s wrong, Al?” Ash’s voice sounds panicked and this doesn’t go unnoticed by the defender who is trying her best to hold it together. When there is nothing but soft whimpers on the other end of the phone line, she knows that something terrible happened. Ali is never one to open up easily about her problems, always trying to keep a strong front up, but she knows better. She tries again. “Alex, please talk to me. If you don’t talk to me, then I can’t fix whatever is wrong.”_

_“You…can’t fix it,” she cries, this time a bit louder._

_“Please tell me…” Ash is almost pleading now. Her mind is thinking the worst and she just needs to know the extent of the problem._

_“My knee…” she whispers and Ash almost can’t catch it._

_“What?” she asks for clarification._

_Ali had hoped she would be watching the game -she always watched her games – so that she wouldn’t need to explain it, but that wasn’t the case. After their fight a few months back when she came to visit her in Germany, she was honestly surprised the blonde answered at all. “My knee. I tore my ACL in the qualifying game today,” she says sadly, fighting the tears back while she waits for Ashlyn’s answer._

_“Shit, Al…” she replies quietly, her voice trailing off as she thinks of the implications of it all. Ali wasn’t going to the Olympics anymore. As angry as she was at the defender, it still broke her heart. She had always wanted the best for her, even if that meant they wanted different things._

_Ali expects more to come from the blonde, but it doesn’t. She remembers how hurt Ash had been when she left Germany a few days earlier than planned and suddenly feels terrible for even calling. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t ha-”_

_She’s cut off by Ashlyn’s next statement. “Where are you going to be? I’ll fly in,” she states with a tone of finality that leaves no room for negotiating, not that Ali would have anyways._

_Ali is again amazed. Amazed at the loyalty and commitment Ash shows even when she’s wounded. She knows it’s asking too much of her, but she honestly doesn’t think she’ll get through it without Ash by her side._

_“Flying back to D.C. tomorrow morning. Surgery in a week,” she calmly states, still shocked by the keeper’s answer._

_“See you tomorrow,” Ash says warmly and with a sense of confidence she hasn’t felt in a while. “Keep your head up, Alex.”_

_“Thanks, Ash. I…I love you,” she says softly, testing the waters that just yesterday before this big mess, had been quite choppy._

_“Love you too.”_

 

When she replays the scene in her mind as she feels Ash wrap her arms tighter around her, Ali immediately hates herself. She hates herself for what she’s about to do and wishes she had just stayed in the room with her mouth shut. Ashlyn had been blushing and smiling when she came out of the room, excited for what the future was bringing, but here Ali was to bring it all crashing down. As the keeper pulls back and meets her eyes Ali wants to disappear. She wishes she was anywhere but in that house in these arms at the moment, but knows that ship has sailed. Her choice has been made and judging by the firm grip Ash had on her arms, she knows there’s no way out of this. She just hopes there will be people to put the pieces back together after the bomb goes off.

Ash levels her eyes with Ali’s and the brunette can feel her trying to read them. She tries to curb her emotions and think of an excuse to get out of her grip. She thinks it’ll just be best if she goes back to the room and has Kyle fix her hair and makeup because when she looks into Ashlyn’s trusting, soft hazel eyes, she can’t bear herself to be the one that tears the sparkle from them. It’s too late though. They’re past that point and they both know it.

“Talk to me, Alex. Please.” Now Ashlyn is begging. She needs Ali to assuage her fears, to set her right.

Her brow is furrowed and Ali can see the worry written across her forehead in its wrinkles. As she is about to open her mouth to speak, the door opens behind them and a familiar face with a blonde pixie cuts pokes out. “Ash, we’ve got to get this boutonniere pinned on ya,” calls Rapinoe as she finishes rolling up the sleeve of her white button-up. She glances up and sees her two friends embracing in front of her, Ali in her dress and Ashlyn in her slacks and button up and feels like she’s witnessing something she shouldn’t be. She knows that’s not how the moments before a wedding are normally spent, but judging by the blank look in Ali’s eyes and the mascara lines down her face, she’s not going to question it. Besides, these two have always been anything but normal. “Uhhh…hurry up! We got fifteen minutes!” she squeaks before ducking back into the room and shutting the door swiftly behind her.

Ashlyn shakes her head with a chuckle before turning back to Ali. She nervously runs her sweaty palms over her thighs to try to dry them. She’s running out of time and needs to get everything figured out. Her mind flickers to the worst case scenario and knows that Ali is dancing around something, hiding it from her. Ali has never been afraid to be honest, which has Ashlyn even more worried. “We’ve got five minutes and you’re scaring me. Is everything okay?” Her voice is firmer this time like she’s demanding an answer and isn’t just asking for one.

“No, it’s not…” Ali finally whispers and drops her head. She’s unable to meet Ashlyn’s gaze as she does this.

Ashlyn immediately jumps into a panic and can feel her heartbeat quicken as she starts fidgeting. To be honest she figured something like this was due to happen, but everything had run so smoothly all day that she thought it was just in her head. “Tell me. Tell me what’s wrong. Oh my god,” she says softly as she looks into Ali’s pained eyes and a realization hits her. “I’m not getting married today am I?”

The hollow look of sadness in her eyes breaks Ali and infuriates her at the same time. At her statement, Ali loses it. She knows it’s not her right and that Ashlyn doesn’t deserve it, but she can’t help the words that come spilling out of her mouth. “I can’t be here, Ash. I can’t do this.” She cringes at the way the words come out, thinking of all the ways she could have been more tactful, for Ashlyn’s sake.

Ashlyn’s jaw drops, she is completely stunned by the statement and just stares back at Ali, mouth agape with a look of confusion mixed with despair. “Wha…what?” she asks, fumbling through her statement. She searched Ali’s eyes for an answer, but Ali refuses to make eye contact with her. After a few seconds of silence and the brunette evading her eyes and questions, Ash gets heated. “What the hell do you mean you ‘can’t be here, Alex’?” she hisses angrily. The defender hasn’t left yet, but the room already feels empty as she shrinks back.

“I have to go, Ash. I’m so so sorry,” she says softly before taking a few steps back.

Ash watches Ali back pedal and try to make her escape, but she won’t let her go that easy. She won’t let her go without answers. “What the hell is going on?” she demands. “This wedding has been planned for over a year, Ali. A fucking year,” she yells hotly and with no concern for who may hear them. “You better have a damn good reason for bailing the day of, leaving me to explain to everyone why you’re not standing out there with me!” she says as she points to the beach where everyone has assembled and taken their seats for the ceremony.

Ali can see the hurt look in Ashlyn’s eyes and just wants to run away and never see her or any of those people again. She’s riddled with guilt and the tears begin free-falling.

“Oh no!” Ashlyn says, her eyes hot with anger. “No, you don’t get to cry, Alex. You don’t get to be upset! This is bullshit!” she says as she steps towards and closes the distance that Ali tried to put between them.

“Ash, please be quiet,” Ali begs. The last thing she wants is to make a big scene. She just wanted to talk to Ash and then slip out the back door unnoticed.

“Fuck being quiet, Al.” Ashlyn is seething at this point. For once she isn’t going to concede to Ali and keeps her voice raised. “Why are you doing this to me? I need you! You said yes. Do you remember that? I asked you and you agreed to this. No one forced you. So tell me why the hell you are doing this?” Ash demands through gritted teeth and glistening eyes.

It’s all Ali can do to compose herself and get the next sentence out of her mouth, knowing it very well may be the last thing the blonde ever lets her say to her. “Because Ash...Because I’m in love with you and I can’t stand by your side and watch you marry her!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooo what do you think?


	4. I'll Always Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow thanks for all the comments!! Some of them definitely made me laugh and I'm glad I was able to catch some of you with the twist. Let me know what you think! 
> 
> P.S. You guys are da bomb!!!

_“Because I’m in love with you and I can’t stand by your side and watch you marry her!”_

The words are ringing through Ashlyn’s mind, playing over and over like a song on repeat. Except this is different because a song is usually only put on repeat when it’s something someone wants to hear and this is far from that. She finds it funny actually, since those are words she had been waiting to hear since she met Ali, but now they sound grating and are unwelcomed.

“What?” she asks softly, her voice quivering at the statement as she took deep breaths and tried to compose herself. She had grabbed Ali by the hand and dragged her upstairs into her old room so they could have some privacy. She wasn’t about to have this conversation in between the rooms where her and her fiancé's wedding parties were getting ready. Her anger has quickly been displaced with something else, but she can’t quite figure out what. Disappointment? Regret? She rubs her palms over her face, no longer caring about smudging the light makeup Kyle applied for her earlier. “What are you talking about, Alex?” She begins pacing back and forth across the room trying to wrap her mind around it all.

“I thought I could handle this, Ash. When I agreed to be your bridesmaid I honestly thought I would be okay, that I could get through it. I need you to know that I never meant for it to get to this point,” she answered softly, knowing she had to tread lightly with the blonde at the moment.

“Well like it or not, it got to this point,” she said with a sigh as she plopped down on to her twin bed which sank and let out a light squeak under her weight.

Ali crossed the room and dropped to her knees, placing her palms on Ashlyn’s thighs. She could feel the warmth radiating through her thin pants, Ash’s telltale sign that she was nervous, or angry, or both. “Ash,” she begins before she is cut off.

“How long?” Ash demands, a bit of her anger returning as evident by the bite in her words.

“Probably since Germany…”

“Jesus, Al,” she sighs and drops her face into her palms again. She’s furious that Ali is doing this to her now, especially when it’s been so long. The math is easy and she knows it’s right before she had started dating Megan. If only she had known…

“Is that why…”

“Yes that’s why I freaked out when you tried to go home with that girl from the bar in Germany,” she stated as she read Ashlyn’s mind. That’s one thing she could always do, read Ashlyn like a book. The day of their huge fight was engrained permanently in her mind.

 

_“Meet my friend Ingrid,” Ash slurs as she points to the bombshell blonde hair, blue eyed girl on her arm._

_“Charmed,” Ali replies with an attitude as she signals to the bartender to bring her another shot. “You want to get going soon, Ash?” she asks, directing her question only to Ash and implying that the other blonde was not welcomed back to her place._

_“Can I bring my friend?” she asks with a wink, knowing Ali usually has no problem with her bringing conquests home as long as they’re not too loud and gone by the time she wakes up the next morning._

_“I’m tired and just want to leave,” she states coldly, clearly not happy with Ash and her new friend._

_“You can come back to my place stud,” the girl purrs sexily in Ashlyn’s ear which earns her a wide grin._

_“I think I’ll just head home with Ingrid,” Ash states simply. “See you tomorrow?” she asks Ali with a wide grin, oblivious to the anger behind Ali’s soft brown eyes._

_Normally Ali would play it off, but she’s not having any of it tonight. Especially with the amount of alcohol coursing through her veins and when Ashlyn looks that hot and all she wants to do is take her home and have her way with her. “Are you fucking kidding me?” she seethes._

_Ash is caught off guard and her friend’s eyes go wide. “Give me a minute, gorgeous,” she whispers to the girl who smiles and pulls her in for a deep kiss like she’s marking her territory before casting a curt glance at Ali and turning back to the bar. When Ingrid is out of ear shot Ash steps up to Ali. “What the hell is your problem?”_

_“My problem is that you flew to Germany to visit and spend time with me, but that obviously doesn’t seem like a priority because you would rather take a girl home every fucking night!” she states incredulously before slinging back the rest of her beer as a chaser to her shot of whiskey._

_“Do you hear yourself? I FLEW TO GERMANY FOR YOU! What else do you want, Alex? That’s not good enough for you?”_

_The question is ringing through Ali’s ears and the answer is clear, no it’s not good enough for her. She wants to be the one Ashlyn kisses. She wants to be the one Ashlyn takes home at the end of a night out. She wants all of those things, but she can’t have them because she doesn’t know how to ask for them. “You know what, Ash? No it’s not. I thought you could come hang out with me for a week and keep it in your pants long enough to spend some time with your best friend, but I’m guessing that’s too much to ask of you.”_

_Ashlyn throws her hands up in the air. “You are impossible, Ali!” she groans. “What’s wrong with me going home with her for a few hours? It’s not like you’re going to sleep with me!” She’s so frustrated with Ali’s hot and cold routine that her head is spinning and the words just spill out._

_The words catch Ali off guard. They’ve been over this before, but it’s been a while since the topic has been brought up, and definitely the first time it’s been brought up since she realized her true feelings towards Ash. She feels cornered and when she gets cornered, she lashes out. “Do whatever you want, Ash. You always do anyways.”_

_Ash knows what she’s hinting at –her inability, or unwillingness, to commit and be faithful- and her eyes darken. “Fuck you, Ali.”_

_“You can’t. You’re going home with Ingrid,” she mocks her, but there is so much more behind it._

_Ashlyn lets out a cold laugh and throws her head back. “You know what? I don’t need this. I didn’t fly across an entire ocean to be lectured. I’m leaving now,” she says and goes to turn to grab Ingrid by the hand._

_“If you don’t come home with me tonight, then don’t come home at all.” It’s a cold statement and Ali hates herself immediately for giving Ashlyn the ultimatum. The blonde never backs down from a challenge and she should have known better._

_“Fine. See you stateside,” she says flatly before pushing past Ali with Ingrid in tow._

 

“Why didn’t you say anything then?” Ash looks up at her with a pained expression, begging the defender to make sense of it all for her. She remembers that night in Germany clearly too, thinking Ali was finally going to say something and be honest with her about her feelings. Instead, it had just ended up a big mess and she packed up her things the next day while Ali was at practice and then just left.

“Well we had that fight and I was trying to process it all and sort out my feelings and we weren’t exactly on speaking terms. Then I tore my ACL and you were there. You were there for me like you always are with no questions asked and I realized there was nothing to sort out. I loved you plain and simple. I was going to tell you, but you were already dating Megan. I didn’t think it would last long, they never did, and so I kept my mouth shut and just patiently waited.” Ali thought back to the day Ashlyn had hinted she was seeing someone and she could easily remember the pain in her chest when she heard Ashlyn gush about her sexy new girlfriend. She had wished she was the girl that Ashlyn was so excited about, but figured like all the others this one wouldn’t be around for long.

“That was so long ago,” Ash starts off, but quickly cuts her words. She doesn’t even know where she wants this conversation to go anymore. “Why are you doing this now?”

“Ash, I swear I wasn’t planning for any of this. I wanted to tell you, but as time went on you fell head over heels for her and I felt you slipping away. I mean look at her,” Ali exclaims and points to a picture on Ashlyn’s nightstand. In the picture, Ashlyn is at a beach bonfire and has her arms wrapped around a gorgeous, tall and toned swim suit model. They’re both sporting large, carefree grins and look truly happy. “She’s a freaking model, Ash. I can’t compare to that!” She immediately hates how self-depreciating she is being, but pushes it from thought. This conversation isn’t going to end the way she wants it to anyways. “You were happy so I just sat back and kept my mouth shut and let you have what you deserved. I thought I could handle all this today, but it all hit me that this was it. That today was the day I would finally lose you and I can’t bear to watch it. I’m sorry, Ash.”

“Alex, that was over two years ago,” she states matter of factly, pissed off that the brunette had kept this from her for so long just to spring it on her now. It’s taking everything in her to keep her cool.

The emotionless tone in the blonde’s voice irks Ali, but she can’t hold in how she’s really feeling anymore. The floodgates have opened. “Two long fucking years,” she grumbled as she leaned against the door, arms crossed defensively while she thought back on the torturous years of watching Ash and Megan together. 

This sets Ashlyn off and immediately she pushes up off the bed and gets in Ali’s face. “You had five years, Alex! You knew how I felt about you! I let you know from day one how I felt about you, but you never wanted anything to do with me like that. You had your chance. How can you do this to me now, on my wedding day?” she yells angrily. “You are a lot of things Alexandra Krieger, but I never thought selfish was one of them.”

“I couldn’t hold it in anymore, Ash!” she cries out, feeling that with every passing second she is losing her best friend, the love of her life. The pain is unbearable as it pulses through her whole body.

“Oh so you woke up this morning and decided, ‘hey let me ruin Ash’s wedding and tell her I’m in love with her’? Is that how it happened? Great fucking idea, Al. Terrific plan.”

“That’s not what happened and you know it. I didn’t plan for this! I didn’t do this to hurt you, Ashlyn. That’s the exact opposite of what I wanted.”

The pleading look she gives Ash is almost enough to make her crack, but she can’t. She’s about to marry another woman, a woman she loves very much and that has been good to her from the start. But, as Ash searches Ali’s eyes she’s still struggling to come to terms with it all. She’s upset, but more than that she’s angry. She’s angry that Ali -the love of her life- waits until her wedding day to drop the proverbial bomb. She wants –no needs- to know what she’s thinking, where she stands. Ali looks defeated. Her makeup is smeared over her face and the perfect up do Kyle had style had stray hairs flailing about. Though she’s still leaning up against the door Ash can tell that her shoulders are slumped and her confidence has long since evaded her. “What the hell did you expect to come of this?” she asks softly, knowing that everything hinges on this answer. “What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Ali supplies meekly.

Ash pulls her eyes up from the ground and meets Ali’s. She notices they harden a bit, the sparkle long gone. “So you dump this on me and then don’t even know what you want?” she asks as calmly as she can manage even though she wants to put her fist through the closest wall, which ironically holds a smattering of pictures of her and Ali from their adventures around the world.

The blonde is looking expectantly at her, but Ali can’t find the words. She wants to scream, ‘I want to run away with you and never look back’ or ‘I want you to call off the wedding!’ but she knows she could never bring herself to say it. Ash is right, she’s already been selfish enough today and she can’t shake the image of how happy and excited Ash had been early in the day. She just wants her to be happy and if that means removing herself from the picture, then that’s what she’ll do. “Ash, I just…I’m sorry. I should go.”

She turns to leave, but feels a hand tugging at her wrist. Her heart skips a beat and for a brief, shining moment she thinks Ash is going to reciprocate her feelings. Turning around, she lifts her eyes to meet Ashlyn’s and for the first time, she can’t read the truth behind them. 

“I’ll always love you, Alex,” Ash whispers.

Ali knows it’s a goodbye. She knows Ash made her choice. “And I’ll always love you too,” she says softly as she concedes, trying to force herself to smile but it’s to no avail. She flicks her eyes up and then drops them to her lips. She knows she shouldn’t, but she can feel the heat burning between them as if their gazes are about to set each other on fire. She quickly closes the gap between them and covers Ash’s lips with her own.

The kiss is perfect. It’s everything Ali pictured and more. It’s soft at first, tentative as they explore each other and wait for the other one to pull back. When Ash doesn’t immediately retract, Ali slips her hands around her neck and pulls her down, sliding her tongue across the lips waiting for Ash to grant access. The keeper leans down, dipping into the kiss as she lets her hands slide down Ali’s back and drop down to her ass, pulling their hips together. When Ali can finally feel Ash’s tongue sliding against her own, she lets out a soft moan.

This snaps Ash out of her trance and she quickly pulls back while pushing Ali away when her mind finally catches up to the rest of her body. With the back of her hand she quickly wipes her lips and then straightens out her ruffled shirt, unable to believe what she had just done. She’s still breathless when she finally looks up at Ali. “I think you should leave now.”

“Ash,” Ali begins. Now that she’s had a taste of the blonde, she doesn’t think it’s possible to leave. She feels like a drug addict, hooked on the first hit. The worst part is that she knows Ash felt it too.

“Get. Out.” Ash replies firmly, with no room for argument.

Ali drops her eyes to the floor and knows this is it. “I’m sorry…for everything,” she offers lamely as she feels her heart shattering into a million tiny pieces. “Goodbye, Ashlyn.” 

“Goodbye, Ali,” Ash whispers after a minute as she touches her hand to her lips, which still burn from Ali’s kiss, even though the brunette is already long gone.


	5. Nostalgia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again for the lovely comments. Only one chapter after this one! :)

“The pizza’s here!” calls a voice from the other room a moment after the doorbell rings.

Ashlyn slides back from her computer where’s she’s replying to some emails from her agent about scheduling speaking engagements to peak out to the living room. “My wallet is on the kitchen table, sweetheart. I need to finish up these emails quick so can you take care of it?”

“Yep!”

Ashlyn sighs as she rolls back into the room and turns back to her computer screen, focusing in on the giant Apple Monitor she had been hoodwinked into buying. She checks the dates in the email against the giant wall calendar that hangs on the wall next to all of her various soccer awards and sighs, some of them conflict with her wife’s upcoming photo shoot in New York. After jotting them all down on the calendar she figures she can go over it all later and they can sort it out. No use worrying about it now when there’s a giant cheese a pepperoni pizza waiting for her in the other room.

She clicks the monitor off and tosses the pen back into the cup where she got it from before standing up from the chair and making her way into the kitchen.

“Thanks for taking care of that buddy,” she says as she walks up to the table and ruffles her son’s unruly hair. She playfully smacks his hand off the top of the pizza box which he has lifted and is taking deep breaths of the delicious smell.

He giggles and tries to evade his mother’s attack, but it’s no use. Once she has him in her strong grip, he knows there’s no breaking free, at least not until he grows a bit more. Finally, she releases him from the playful headlock when she hears footsteps coming down the steps. “Hello, Princess,” she says with a bright smile. “How nice of you to join us for dinner for once,” she teases as she gives her daughter a kiss on the cheek. She was quite the social butterfly and always seemed to have plans.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m only here because mom said she’ll let me go to Kate’s later if I eat with you weirdos,” she teases right back, her brilliant smile radiating through the room. 

Ashlyn laughs, glad her daughter picked up her sense of humor and isn’t quite as stressed out as her wife always is. “Well please help Tyler set the table. Your mother will be home in a few minutes and I think it would be nice if she didn’t have to worry about doing anything. She’s had some stressful days at work with this new designer she’s dealing with.”

“Of course,” Chloe responds as she sidles up next to her younger brother and grabs the plates he hands her from the whitewashed cupboards. She turns to set the plates down on the wooden kitchen table when something on the counter catches her eye, a photo.

“Who’s that, mom?” she asks as she walks over and glances at the old, crinkled photo lying next to her wallet.

Without knowing it, Ashlyn walks right into the question. She wasn’t paying attention, instead smiling at a text she had just received. “Huh? What?” she asks while stepping towards her daughter who was now holding the photo in her hand with her son looking over her shoulder.

Ashlyn takes the photo from her daughter’s hand and tries to keep her smile from dropping as she notices who’s in the photo with her. “Where’d you get this from?” she asks, her voice cracking just a bit as it stirs up some sensitive memories.

Chloe frowns, catching on to the fact that her mother is upset, but simply shrugs. 

“It was in your wallet,” Tyler states quietly, thinking he’s going to get in trouble for snooping when in reality it just fell out when he was looking for some change. When his mother doesn’t say anything he quickly adds, “I’m sorry.”

Ash looks up, realizing she’s been caught in her thoughts. “Hey, you have nothing to apologize for,” she says with a soft, reassuring smile as she squeezes his shoulder.

“So who is she?” asks Tyler. Now that’s he knows he’s not in trouble, he is clearly interested in who the beautiful woman with long, thick hair and a killer smile is, and more importantly why her mom has a picture of them holding each other. 

“That,” Ashlyn states with a sad tone, “is the only other woman besides your mother that I ever loved.” She traces the photo softly with her thumb. “I don’t even remember putting that in here,” she says absentmindedly as she continues to study the picture of the woman who had once held such a large portion of her heart. “This is from so long ago. Before you two were even born,” she adds

“She’s smokin’ hot,” Tyler says with a wide grin which earns him a playful slap from his mother 

“Watch it, kiddo,” she warns, suddenly feeling very sentimental. “Why don’t you two get washed up for supper? Your mom should be pulling in any minute now.”

“Ugh fine,” groans Tyler. He wants to know more about the smoking hot brunette, but can tell that his mother is done talking about it. As he turns around he bumps into his sister and she roughly shoves him back. “Hey!” he yells out as she takes off. He follows closely behind chasing after her, dodging the pillows she throws back at him with a laugh.

Ashlyn watches her children play fighting with a big smile. She picks the photo up again and brings it closer to her face to study. It had been so long since she had seen that beautiful face. Sure it was heartbreaking to walk away, but she knew in the end she was making the right decision. She knew as painful as it was that –for the first time in her life- she did the right thing. She thinks back to the day of her wedding and everything that had happened. As she glances up to her children who are now wrestling on the floor, she can’t help but laugh. Occasionally, as is natural, she thinks back on how things would be different had she chosen differently. She wonders if her kids would be taller or have brighter smiles, or if they would be better or worse at sports, or if she would even have children at all. She thinks of where they would have lived or what kind of house they would have bought together and if all of their families would have remained close over the years. Most of all, she thinks about what would have happened if everyone had been honest from the start. Would things have turned out differently or would they all have ended up in the same place? She often feels guilty for her thoughts, even though she knows she can’t control them, but she had lost a part of her heart that day and quite honestly it had never completely recovered. Of course she was extremely happy –she loved her wife and children with every ounce of her being- but naturally she would always wonder. 

Fortunately for her, she hears the garage door opening and is pulled from her thoughts. She quickly tucks the photo into her back pocket to stick in her old shoe box later just as her children come stumbling back into the room. 

“Fill the glasses please?” she asks her daughter who nods as Ash makes her way to the front door.

It swings open and she smiles widely as her wife tosses her workout bag down onto the ground before throwing her arms around her neck.  
“Mmmm I missed you,” she sighed as she placed a passionate kiss on her lips. 

Ash could feel her sink into her arms as the kiss heated up a bit. “Easy there. Your children are in the other room,” the blonde says with a laugh. “Save it for the bedroom later,” she adds with a suggestive grin.

“You got it, stud,” she said with a wink as she patted Ashlyn’s chest lightly. 

The two women walk into the other room where their children have just hunkered down at the table for family dinner night. They plopped into their respective chairs and loaded up their plates. After a few moments, Ash is startled while taking a bite out of her pizza.

“Tyler! Who said you could have chocolate milk?” 

The boy looks up sheepishly at his mother and then casts his eyes back to Ashlyn hoping shell bail him out.

Ash lets out a low chuckle and places her hand gently on her wife’s arm. “Alex, it’s okay. I said he can have it,” she says confidently and then winks at her son. “Right, bud?”

Tyler immediately catches on and flashes his mother a bright grin. “Right, mom!”

Ali throws her hands up in the air, “You two are impossible!” she says with a laugh. “What are we going to do with these two, Chlo?” she asks with an eye roll.

“Uncle Kyle says we’ve just got to live with ‘em,” she offers with a sideways shrug. 

“Wow your brother is pretty deep babe,” Ash jokes as she reaches over her wife’s outstretched arm to grab another slice of pizza after already having housed her first one.

Ali just laughs and leans over to wipe the corner of Ashlyn’s mouth with her thumb where she had pizza sauce smeared at the same time that her daughter turns and pulls her brother’s long sleeve halfway up so that he doesn’t drag it through the sauce on his plate.

“And what would you two ever do without us?” Ali asks teasingly with a raised eyebrow and wide grin as she finally takes a big bite of her own slice of pizza.

“I’m honestly not quite sure,” she states contemplatively while making eye contact with her wife. 

Ali can see the honesty in her answer in Ashlyn’s eyes. She sees something in them that she hasn’t in quite a while and can’t fight the smile that creeps over her lips. 

 

_“You know it’s not a good for you to run in heels. Especially not in sand.”_

_Ali hears a familiar -albeit out of breath- voice behind her and whips around, startled by what she sees._

_“Ash…Ashlyn?” she whispers as if she doesn’t truly believe what she’s seeing in front of her and is afraid if she speaks too loud it might all disappear. When she realizes that the figure in front of her is in fact Ashlyn and that she’s not going to run away, she wipes her eyes and tries to compose herself. “What are you doing here?”_

_“I came to find you,” she states simply._

_“Ash, you have to go! You’re supposed to be getting married!” Ali exclaims and jumps up from the rock she’s taken residence on. “Megan will be waiting, Ash.” When the blonde doesn’t move, she commands, “GO!”_

_“Alex. I came to find you.” She states it simply like it’s the most obvious thing and the answer to all of Ali’s questions and her amused grin grows the more Ali’s brow furrows._

_“But…but the wedding? What about the guests? And Megan? What about everything you planned for?!” The pit of guilt in Ali’s stomach is growing by the second when she thinks about everything she had just ruined with her selfish words. She wants to run and crawl under a rock –perhaps the rock she was just sulking on- and still can’t process why Ash is delaying the wedding just to come talk to her. She walks over to Ash and gives her a light shove back towards the beach where her fiancé is waiting. If she wasn’t a supportive friend before, she’s certainly going to try to be now –even if it means pushing Ashlyn into the arms of another woman. All she’s ever wanted is for her to be happy._

_Ashlyn takes a step back, but doesn’t move beyond that. She is staring at Ali, taking in every inch of her body with her eyes. She feels it’s honestly the first time she’s ever truly been able to do this, just look at her with no regrets or guilt, but Ali is too distraught to notice it._

_She walks towards Ashlyn again and pushes her, this time a bit harder. “Ashlyn, go! Don’t throw away your happy ending over me,” she cries, hoping that the blonde leaves soon since her resolve is quickly breaking. She may be a warrior on the field, but this broken heart thing is on another level entirely._

_“You are my happy ending.”_

_“Ash, go-“ Ali stops and rewinds the last two seconds In her mind. She thinks she heard what the keeper said, but isn’t entirely sure. “What?” she asks tentatively, praying that she had heard her correctly, but preparing for the opposite._

_“Jesus, Ali. Are you deaf?” With that she steps towards Ali and pulls her in by the wrist. She crashes their lips together and wraps her arms securely around Ali’s waist. “I said that you’re my happy ending,” she mumbles against her lips._

 

“I’m so glad I never had to find out,” Ash answers profoundly with an earnest smile.

Ali leans in and places a soft kiss on her wife’s lips. “Me too, baby,” she whispers. “Me too.”


	6. Never a Choice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it! Hope you guys enjoyed this short one. I'm currently working on something longer now so hopefully I'll be back soon :)
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. Did anyone think last chapter in the beginning that they didn't end up together?? Just curious ;)

“Really babe?” Ali calls out as she stops chasing her wife towards the bedroom to pick up the trail of clothes she left in her wake. She scoops her tank top and socks off the floor, shaking her head as she walks into the room. “You could have put these in the hamper on your way,” she says with a playful smile that falters as she looks up to see her wife leaning against the headboard of the bed with her arms cross behind her head, wearing nothing but her undergarments and a sexy grin.

“The kids are only going to be gone for a few hours,” Ash shrugs. “I didn’t want to waste any time woman!”

Ali lets out a small chuckle at how insistent her wife sounds. She tosses the shirt and socks into the laundry hamper and then, ignoring her wife’s pleas to come to bed, heads to pick up her jeans which are hanging over the corner of the dresser where they fell when the keeper ripped them off and tossed them to the floor. She’ll easily admit that there’s nothing she’d rather do the crawl in bed with her wife, but she knows the longer she toes the line and makes her wait, the more worked up Ash will get.

“What’s this?” she asks as she bends down to the floor.

Ashlyn sits up, her confused look immediately turning into a nervous smile when she sees Ali immediately recognize the woman in the photo that must have fallen out of the pocket of her jeans. “Oh…um…Tyler found that in my wallet when I asked him to pay the pizza guy,” she offers quietly. “I didn’t even know it was still in there,” she quickly adds while she waits for her wife’s reaction.

Ali stays quiet for a moment, just surveying the picture as she holds it tightly in her hand. It’s the same one she remembers seeing in Ashlyn’s bedroom the day she finally confessed her feelings to her. The slight pang of guilt that she had worked so hard to subdue since then slowly creeps back in as she runs her fingers over the genuine smiles they both have sprawled across their faces. “I still can’t believe you chose me,” she mumbles softly. It’s mostly to herself, but Ashlyn hones in on her voice and hears every word loud and clear.

“There was never really a choice,” Ashlyn says as she slides off the bed and comes up behind Ali. She wraps her arms around her and sets her hands over Ali’s which are still clutching the picture. “It was always you,” she whispered sweetly in her ear as she slowly pulled the photo from her wife’s grasp. She sets the photo on the dresser next to them and then spins Ali around so they are face to face. Searching her eyes, Ash can tell there’s more she wants to say so she waits patiently.

“I think about that day all the time, Ash…”

“Me too baby,” Ash replies, hoping Ali doesn’t take it the wrong way.

Luckily, Ali is in a contemplative mood which overshadows her usual sassiness. “Really?” There’s something laced in her wife’s quiet confession and she wants to know what’s behind it.

“Of course,” the blonde replies with a low chuckle as she drops her hands down lower on Ali’s back. “How could I ever forget my wedding day when my best friend finally confessed she was madly in love with me?”

Ali rolls her eyes at the teasing statement, but gets caught on the words again. “You never did tell me what happened,” she states softly, but it’s more of a leading question. It still bothers her that Ashlyn never told her the details from that day. Even though she had gotten what she wanted in the end and knew it wasn’t really her right to know the intricate details of Ash and Megan’s private moment, the uncertainty would often eat away at her.

Ashlyn lets out a soft sigh before taking a few steps and sinking back onto their king bed. “You really want to do this now?” she asks honestly, her eyes searching Ali’s for confirmation.

“Only if you do,” Ali concedes before plopping down next to Ash and taking the keeper’s hand in her own.

The blonde thinks for a moment, trying to recall the details before she begins. She knew this day would come at some point or another, and that Ali just wanted to know the truth and wasn’t there to judge, but she still couldn’t bring herself to prepare for it.

“You don’t have to, Ash,” Ali supplies as she sees her wife’s internal struggle.

“Yes I do,” she replies and meets Ali’s eyes with a warming look. “The truth is, after you left I was honestly still going to go through with the wedding. I was going to marry Megan...” Her voice trails off enough at the end to catch Ali wince, but she gives her hand a reassuring squeeze and quickly continues with the hope that she will understand in the end. “Alex, I was so angry with you. First you dumped that all on me the day of my wedding and then you just kissed me. To be honest I was so confused and pretty stunned. You were all I ever wanted for so long and when Megan came around those feelings sort of…went away.” She knows it’s the wrong choice of words when she feels Ali tense, but it’s too late to take it back. “I loved Megan, I really did and I obviously loved you, but there were so many unknowns. I didn’t even know what you wanted and neither did you. Chris came to find me to tell me it was time and I was just sitting on my bed in shock.” She chuckles to herself when she thinks back to what her face must have looked like. Her brother had relentlessly teased her about it after everything had settled. “Anyways…He figured it had something to do with you since he saw you run out the back door.”

“What’d he say?” Ali asks, suddenly feeling even guiltier when she thought about everyone who was affected that day.

“He just asked me one question.”

“And what was that?” she questions.

“Everything aside, wedding, money, reputation, whatever…if I had to choose who would it be?”

Ali gulps and meets Ashlyn’s gaze. “And what did you say?” She thinks she already knows the answer, but confirmation never hurts.

“Like I said before, it was never a choice,” she replies with a shrug.

Ali lets out a sigh of relief, though she isn’t quite sure why since it wasn’t going to change anything all these years later. “And what did you…what did you tell Megan?”

Ash drops Ali’s hand and rubs her palms over her face. She takes a deep breath and then slowly lets it out. “That was not a fun conversation,” she states evenly as her mind is taken back to the haunting conversation.

 

_“Hey can I talk to Megan?” she asks after knocking on the door where her fiancé was getting ready._

_“You’re not supposed to be here,” hisses Sydney who had been the unlucky one to open the door. “It’s bad luck!”_

_“I need to talk to Megan,” she states through a shaky breath._

_From inside the room, Kyle and Whit shoot each other a knowing look, knowing this is about to get interesting and messy._

_“Ash? What are you doing here?” comes Megan’s voice from inside the room. “And have you seen Ali? It’s almost time for us to head down.”_

_When she peeks her head out the door and sees Ashlyn nervously looking back at her, she immediately knows why Ali is missing and why Ash is there to talk to her. “Can you all give us a minute?” she asks sadly as she looks back into the room at the girls and Kyle._

_“Of course,” her sister Jenna replies before ushering everyone out of the room._

_They all give Ashlyn scrutinizing glances with raised eyebrows as they scurry out of the room, but figure they’ll find out what’s going on in due time._

_After they leave, Ashlyn steps into the room. She barely has time to take a breath before her fiancés words rip through the silence._

_“She told you, didn’t she?”_

_“What?” Ash asks, completely caught off guard as her eyes dart up from the floor. She can’t deny that Megan looks absolutely breathtaking in her wedding gown, but quickly refocuses._

_“Ali. She told you she’s in love with you didn’t she?” she clarifies as she crosses her arms and tries to fight back the impending tears._

_“I…How did you know?” she asks cautiously._

_“Jesus, Ashlyn I think you’re the only person at this entire wedding that didn’t know until just now,” she yells incredulously and with little regard for who hears them. Judging by Ashlyn’s guilty face, she assumes they’ll be telling everyone to head home in a few minutes anyways._

_“I didn’t…I didn’t know,” Ash whispers as she dips her eyes again. This is so much harder than she thought and she already hates herself for what she’s about to do._

_Megan sighs and throws her hands up in the air. “Well now you know, Ashlyn. So what now?” She glares at the blonde expectantly as she feels her heart to begin to clinch in anticipation. It’s as if it knows the blow is coming as is trying to retreat into a protective shell of its own making._

_“Megan look, you know I love you…” she begins but the scoff that leaves her fiancés mouth stops her._

_“You just don’t love me more than her, right?” she challenges as her eyes begin to fill with tears._

_Ashlyn takes a few steps and drops to her knees in front of the blonde. With the pad of her thumb she wipes away the tears, “Hey,” she says softly, willing the blonde to look at her as she gently nudges her chin up. “I need you to really listen to me. Did I ever tell you about the time I came out?” she asks, trying to engage Megan in the conversation._

_The other women shakes her head, unable to fight against Ashlyn’s soft, comforting touch. “No,” she whispers while wondering what this has to do with anything._

_“When I first came out, everyone told me it would kill my career and that sponsors wouldn’t want anything to do with me. I had people left and right trying to push me back in the closet and I almost listened. But then I talked to some of my teammates and realized that if I can’t be me, then what’s the point? I made a promise to myself that day that I would always be me, and be one hundred percent true to myself.” She let out a deep breath as she gathered the courage to finish. “Megan, I love you. I love you very very much and I never want you to doubt that my feelings for you were true. I know that I would be happy with you and we would have a great life together. But I made that promise to be true to myself and if I married you today and let Ali walk away, I’d be doing the exact opposite. I’d always wonder and that’s not fair to you.”_

_The tears are now streaming down both of their faces as Megan drops her head so it comes to rest on Ashlyn’s forehead. “I thought today would be the day I finally had to stop worrying,” she whispered sadly. She had always known Ali had a special place in her fiancé's heart, but thought if they could get through the wedding she could put her fears to rest. Ash was a fiercely loyal woman and she knew she would always honor their marriage._

_“I’m so sorry,” Ash replied as she pulled her head back and gently squeezed her thighs. “I never meant for this to happen and if I could take the hurt you’re feeling away right now and shoulder it myself I would.”_

_Megan nodded and then gently pushed Ashlyn back so she could stand up. “I’m not going to tell you that it’s okay, because it’s not. I also won’t tell you that I’ll forgive you, because I’m not quite sure I’ll ever get over this. But I will tell you that I understand. I wouldn’t want you doubting this for the rest of your life. You would only come to regret the marriage and eventually resent me.”_

_“Megan, I...” Ash begins, but is quickly cut off._

_“No Ashlyn I need to get this out,” she says curtly. Now that she’s started she can’t stop. “I love you and I’ve always just wanted what’s best for you. I wish that was me,” she says ruefully, “but I see the way you look at each other, the way you interact. You two are meant for each other. It’s always been her,” she adds contritely._

_“I’m so sorry, Meg,” Ashlyn whispers again with all the sincerity she possess. She wishes the words could fix it all, but knows it’s not and will never be that simple._

_“Me too.”_

 

“Wow,” Ali says pensively as Ashlyn finishes the story. “I’m actually pretty surprised she didn’t try to find me and strangle me,” she adds with a chuckle.

“Ya well,” Ash replies with a shrug. “I thought she’s do the same thing to me when I first knocked on the door.”

Ali grins as she looks back at her wife. “Are you sure you made the right choice?”

“Alex,” she says softly with a glowing hint in her eyes, “marrying you is the single best thing I’ve ever done in my life.”

The honesty rings through Ali’s ears, but she can’t pass up the chance to tease her wife. “Better than Chloe and Tyler?” she challenges with an amused grin as she watches her wife squirm, suddenly finding the room getting quite hot when she remembers her wife had previously discarded her shirt and pants.

“Okay,” she concedes with her hands in the air. “Marrying you, adopting Chloe and you having Tyler are tied for the top three. Fair enough?” she asks with a dimpled smile as she raises a finger to count each point.

“What about winning the World Cup twice and getting the Golden Glove both times?” she asks with a smirk. “Did that mean nothing?”

Ashlyn has finally caught on that her wife is just messing with her and quickly wants to wipe the smirk off of her face. “I honestly think having my way with you while you were wearing JUST your gold medals was the highlight of my life,” she says and grins when she sees Ali’s jaw drop as she remembers the night that has been ingrained deeply into both of their memories.

“Hmmmm,” Ali hums as she taps her chin appearing to be in thought.

Ash knows where her mind is going to as she witnesses her wife’s eyes darken before her. “Think you can find those gold medals?” she asks.

“Are you thinking what I’m thinking?” Ali replies breathlessly as she cautions a glance to the clock while Ash’s hands begin to wander. They still had a few hours until their kids would be home.

Ashlyn wags her eyes brows as she pulls Ali down by the front of her shirt for a long passionate kiss. “Round two?” she asks with a cocky grin.


End file.
